California Dreams

The first stop on friend-fest 2k9  was sunny Los Angeles. It wasn't my first time out to the coast (I had been there many times for Mock Trial tournaments) but it was my first time to actually get to soak in any natural California flavor instead of just doing the touristy stuff. Brewdog picked me up from the airport at around 9:30 west coast time and immediately we drove to get some beer just to chill out for the night. We purchased a 12 pack of Session then cracked them open and relaxed (Session is a funny beer. It comes in short ugly bottles like Red stripe and a 12 pack is cheaper than most other beers you can by. Why is it so cheap? it comes in a 12 pack of 11 ounce bottles; so essentially you are buying an 11 pack of beer.)

Brewdog lives in L.A., not a suburb of L.A., so before I got to his house I was expecting the atmosphere around where he lives to be something out of Boys in the Hood. Not so. He lives in a very lovely residential neighborhood. We sat out in his back yard and I let all the stress of law school wash away. After a while we decided we needed to do something, so we walked to another house where some of Brewdog's friends live to see what was going on. For some reason all the houses have popular nicknames in this neighborhood. For example, the house we went to that night is called "the compound." When we got there most of the residents of the compound we doing homework, but one lady friend of Brewdog's offered us some beers and we hung out there for a while. We talked a lot about theater, which seems to be either the major or minor of everyone at this school, or at least a big part of their curriculum. After a while sitting out on the front porch of the compound we decided that the best use of our time would be to go into the school radio booth and drink while doing a radio show. Although I have often entertained the fantasy of being a radio DJ this was my first time behind the microphone. I am not sure if there were any listeners at all, but it was a very fun time.

The next morning I woke up and the sun was shining, it seemed like paradise. We sat outside in the sun, played Hacky-sack and Frisbee all morning and eventually I wound up sun burnt. This is hardly a surprise. As a pasty pale life long Minnesotan, my skin on has 2 settings: white and burnt. Around 1 we decided to head to campus, and it was eye opening. The quad was essentially just a huge party. They were selling Mixed drinks at 1:30 in the afternoon to support school functions. There were hipsters biking around smoking joints on campus and scantily clad women as far as the eye could see (Although many of the women were wearing very little clothing a lot of those girls were not attractive. For some reason I was under the impression that everyone who goes to school in California has to be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Since checking out this campus I have realized that while there isn't necessarily a greater concentration in amount of good looking girls, the really hot girls I did see blew my mind. I was instantly in love with about 5 or 6 of them.)

The reason we had come on campus in the first place was because one of Brewdog's friends had his "comps" that day. Apparently at this school this time of year is when all students have their "comps" which are presentations seniors have to do, examining a certain element of their major in depth. This particular comp was on Moby Dick and the duality of man represented by Captain Ahab. It was actually a great presentation and I felt good that I was able to squeeze some actual learning into a trip which was supposed to be solely about drinking and catching up with Brewdog. 

That night we went out to a party at the compound. Because several of the residents of that house had just completed their comps the party was supposedly going to get pretty crazy. This turned out to be true in some ways and a complete lie in others. It wasn't the huge college bash that one thinks of when seniors are done with a huge test/assignment. Rather, it was a small group of friends gathering and drinking together in a relaxed environment. The only thing that was super crazy about it was that one girl, the girlfriend of one of Brewdog's boys really wanted to have an orgy that night. She was walking around the party saying "lets get an orgy happening." While I was all for this idea the other people at this party were shocked and disgusted. Unfortunately I went home alone and un-orgified.

This group actually had a other weird sex stories. Apparently Brewdog's house was rented by a small pornography company the year before. The name of the company: Human Stain Industries. I thought he was lying to me until I saw some mail addresses to the company on his kitchen table.  The only thing I know about his roommates Nia's room is that "some weird stuff happened up there." The woman that lives in Brewdog's  back-house is also an interesting character. Apparently by day she works for the LA D.A.'s office profiling serial killers and by night she works in a sex dungeon being tied up or spanking dudes. I guess one time a dude made her laugh at how small his dick was then he masturbated into his own mouth. Disturbing. One time Brewdog was talking to her and he said he wouldn't like to be tied up or spanked or any of that. She looked at him flabbergasted and said she couldn't imagine why he wouldn't.

Overall, my visit to LA was a success. I got to visit Brewdog and meet all of his friends. Unfortunately I don't know when next I will get to see my best friend. He graduates in May and

has such wanderlust that he will surely be traveling the world before coming back to Minneapolis. It's sad but I am happy for him. I take solace in the fact that every time we get together it never seems like we have been apart that long. I guess that is what having a bestfriend is supposed to be like.

SPRING BREAK.... WOOOOOOOOOOO

I have never done anything that fun for spring break before. While I was in undergrad every year I left Oxford, OH and came back to the frozen tundra of Minneapolis to spend time with family. The reason for this was simple: my parents payed for my ticket home on spring break but were less generous if I asked for them to pay for me to go somewhere exotic.

This year I am planning on embarking on what I call "Friend-Fest-2k9." I am going out to LA on Thursday to visit BrewDog and meet his college friends. Because he goes to school out in LA and it is so expensive to travel out there I am the first (and probably only) of our friends to go out and see him while his friends are still on campus. Frenchie, Chewy and I went out there to pick him up a few years ago in out version of the great American road trip but classes had been out for weeks and we didn't get to meet any of his friends. This year I am gonna go out and meet all the people he has made friends with over the last couple of years. I hope I don't embarrass him (although I kinda hope I do).

To be honest, Spring Break could not have come at a better time. This week I had a huge research project to do and actually ended up pulling an all nighter on Tuesday. I was sleep deprived and zany but I got everything done. Unfortunately the life of a law student never has any down time. After I get back from LA I will be spending the middle days of my spring break in the library working on the big projects due after spring break.

Then I am headed off to shiny and exotic Milwaukee, WI. I am visiting Frenchie and Chewy, as they have requested. I actually illiceted a whole bunch of promises from them. They are picking me up, putting me up in their place, buying me burritos when I am drunk at night... The only thing I didn't think to illicet was promises of sexual favors... next time.

It should be a fun time. I will write of my adventures once I have had them. 

Update on School B

The high school state championships for Minnesota mock trial were over the last 2 days in Duluth. Although I was invited to travel with team B I could afford neither the time nor the money so I had to make due with just getting a barrage of text messages from team members. 

Team B did pretty well, making it to the Championship trial where they lost. The worst part about this wasn't the losing. Second place is great and they should be proud. The worst part for me was that I had thought they won and then had that joy ripped away from me. I got a text message from one of the team members who was not participating in that round saying simple "they won." I started cheering as silently as I could in the library, super excited for these kids. Then about 25 minutes of sheer elation later I get a call, letting me know the "they" referenced in the text message was School B's opponents. Kinda crumby but overall very good and exciting.

Next year school B is returning a lot of talent, and I am going to be working with them all year (as opposed to only the last 3 weeks of the season) so they are going to be killin' fools from day 1.

watch out for them.

Profile: Rival

As many of you know I came to law school primarily because I love mock trial. It was a huge part of my life for the 7 years leading up to college graduation so I figured I would take the next logical step and make it my job. Competing in mock trial got me to know a lot of interesting people from other programs around the country, but one of the most interesting people I ever met from mock trial was Rival. 

During my high school mock years only 2 teams ever won the state championship: Mine and Rival's. We never spoke outside of the court room, we were too intense to be friendly with each other, but we knew exactly who each other were. Every year we would track each other's progress knowing that the road to the championship would ultimately lead us through each other. He was the only person in high school that every beat me individually (or at least the only person I ever admitted beat me individually). When I went on to the college mock trial circuit and he was no where to be found I thought that he simply vanished. Then I showed up to law school. 

By some strange serendipity, Rival chose the exact same small Minnesota law school as I did. Although we were in different large sections (my entire 1st year class is split up between A and B) we happened to be put into the same Lawyering skills class, the only class I had with anyone in the B section. So one day while failing to pay attention I see a familiar face, and for a moment I doubt whether I am remembering him correctly. After class I see him outside in the hallway and I walk up to him. "Hey, did you by chance do mock trial for [school MCC]  in high school?" When he told me that he was the captain of his high school team I got a bit excited.

That afternoon it seemed like all the talking we didn't do in high school was all determined to come out at once. We talked to each other about our different experiences and found them to be unbelievably similar (which I guess I should have expected). Since then we have become friends and I find him to be one of the most interesting people I have "met" in law school. Here are some tidbits about Rival:

- Although rival is a small man (only about 5'6") he is pretty easily the most muscular person at our school. It is strange because in high school a few of the people on my team called him "the baby" because he was so shrimpy. When I asked him about it he told me that when he stopped doing mock, he had to find something else to occupy his time. This led him to start weightlifting. Every day. For 2 hours at time. 

- He carries a backpack around that sticks out behind him for around 2/3 of his height (no joke). It is actually kind of obscene how many books he carries in there, I don't think he ever uses his locker.

- although he is extremely well spoken and eloquent, he doesn't talk a lot. He is pretty quiet and doesn't socialize much at school.

most strangely:

- Although Rival is on the dean's list for our class, he hasn't looked at a single one of his grades. Not one test or one paper. He didn't even know he was on the dean's list until it was posted and people came up and congratulated him. This concept is so foreign to me I didn't know how to respond. I asked him how he does it and he told me that he takes a very Marxist approach to the work he does. He doesn't care about the grade, or the money that will come from them- he just wants to do something he loves and which provides value to his community.

I think Rival is a pretty fucking cool kid.

The End of Me and TheLady

Well it appears that TheLady and I have come to an end. It is a little sad but I suppose about as good as a breakup can be. It wasn't that either of us did anything horrible to the other, or that we just grew tired of each other. I think it was that we liked each other a little too much. 

I met TheLady about 3 months ago on a semi-blind date. She and I immediately hit it off and it was very nice. Things moved pretty fast from there. I actually met her parents only about 3 weeks later and things were going just swimmingly. The big problem in our relationship was looming right ahead, however. I am going to study abroad in Rome this summer and then she is studying abroad in Europe first semester next year. So right in the beginning of things we would have to face about 7 months of not seeing each other, not ideal for keeping things together. 

ultimately that tainted our connection. Neither of us really wanted to get too close because we knew that soon enough we would have to leave each other and it wouldn't be fun. Further handicapping our romance was the fact that, at 19, she wasn't really ready to have too serious a relationship with anyone. Add into that the fact that we are both extremely busy with school and I guess we were kinda doomed from the start. 

Although I will miss her there are some benefits to being single again. I can start going out more often with my friends again (which might be a drawback... I won't be able to use her as an excuse when I am feeling too tired to go out). I will still get to see her every now and again, but it won't be the same. Hopefully when we both get back into Minneapolis for good we will be changed enough to be ready for a commitment, but the same enough that we don't lose whatever we had this first time around. 

Unemployment Haiku Weekly

I love it when people I know are artsy. I can not draw or write music but I love it when I know people that do something truly unique. My sister-in-law's brother is a funny guy, and he worked in advertising for a while. The economic downturn left him jobless and as a result he had to find an outlet for his wittiness and an occupation for his time. This led him to create a weekly comic called Unemployment Haiku Weekly. 

Every week a witty new haiku with a graphic depiction comes out and brightens my day. It helps to make me feel like I made the right decision to be a full time student in this economy. Living on loans is better than living on nothing. The cartoon is drawn by a guy named by Todd Eisner. I don't know if he is related to legendary comic artist Will Eisner (the creator of "the Spirit") but I guess it wouldn't really surprise me. Check it out if you get a chance. http://www.unemploymenthaikuweekly.blogspot.com/

This one might be my favorite, but the rest aren't far behind

In Which Solitaire Dodges the Bullet.

When people tell you about law school there is one theme that keeps on coming up: if you are unprepared for class the teachers will rip you apart. While this is not true of all professors, in many cases this statement is the absolute truth. for this reason I scramble to try to complete the enormous amounts of reading we have every day in fear that if we don't we will be caught and exposed by our teachers. This fear is shared by almost all of my classmates- with one very notable exception.

Solitaire is a strange girl. I actually met her during orientation week and shared a few pleasantries with her. She looks a little bit like Gretchen Grundler from recess

So at first my natural stereotypes kicked in and I thought she was surely in the running for the dean's list. Her face is permanently fixed with a little smirk that always makes me think she knows something I don't. In the semester and a half since then I have learned that looks can be deceiving. 

For those of you that do not know most law schools are run by the Socratic method. This means that you do the reading and then if you are the unlucky one to be called on for a given class the teacher will stick with you and ask you questions about the reading, probing you further to assure that you have taken in all the requisite knowledge. It is an uncomfortable process, but we all suffer through it. All of us accept Solitaire.

The first time Solitaire got called on was about midway through our first semester in civil procedure. When the professor asked: "are you prepared on the case" instead of the usual shaky voiced "yes" we heard a dismissive "call on someone else!" There was an audible and collective gasp in the classroom. The professor recoiled like he had never faced that situation before. Not knowing what else to do, he just moved on to another person. 

Solitaire passing would become a theme. Everytime she got called on she would once again tell the professor dismissively to "call on someone else" and then go back to playing Solitaire (thus her nickname). One of our professors pushed back, saying "I certainly hope you are not saying you are unprepared" she responded with a smirk and attempt at comedy "no, I'm just saying someone else might be better prepared to help the class in their learning today." The teacher reacted as most do, simply accepting that this was too tough an egg to crack and moving on. 

This doesn't mean she didn't participate in class, she just didn't participate like the rest of us. Early in our first semester our torts professor made a crack about Sarah Palin, nothing too offensive but a joke at her expense. Solitaire was later seen in the hallways chewing him out for disgracing a beloved republican figure in class. Her spouting of republican agenda didn't end there, and brought her into conflict with a few other teachers (even the staunch republicans). At one point while talking about how race affects the country she got into an argument with our Crim Law Prof. The debate got pretty heated (on her end only) and but at one point she asked a question and before she was finished the teacher started to give the answer. "excuse me you are int erupting me..." That audible gasp came back and you could even hear people clearly say things like "she is unbelievable." I don't remember how it came up but at one point she even insulted his wife. The professor, at a loss for what to do, once again just took this abuse and moved on.

We do have one professor who does not accept that kind of malarkey from students. She has a reputation for tearing students apart and belittling them in public if they are caught unprepared. My classmates, sick of being subjected to pressures that Solitaire had avoided by virtue of her shear audacity were salivating at the notion of her turn in this class. It was schadenfreude at it's best. We had already been robbed of our first chance when she was called on early in the semester, she was in the bathroom (she goes to the bathroom during every class every day). Although everyone was disappointed, we were sure her time would come soon. Unfortunately for my classmates, today she would find a way out of the Socratic method again.

As our professor said her name today and all my classmates saw that she was in the room, all of their eyes lit up like it was Christmas. Finally, the frustrations we had all had all year would let out as we watched our professor tear her a new one. Unfortunately, fate had another plan; "[Solitaire], I've called on you to recite before haven't I" she responded sheepishly "yes" and then our professor moved on. All of a sudden the looks around the room were a complete shock. Classmates who had talked about and fantasized about this moment all semester looked at each other in shock. 

Facebook exploded. Everyone's status updates reflected their disbelief and frustration. Some of my classmates who had skipped class messaged me to find out what happened, and immediately became upset that they chose this day not to attend. After class everyone in the room (and outside) was talking about how Solitaire had flat out lied to our professor. People were talking about snitching on her, saying that she violated the honor code. 

Honestly I just thought it was funny... all of us being robbed of the thing that had brought us the most excitement and anticipation. Everyone was so upset because of something which, in the long run, doesn't really affect them. Her passing everytime she is called on doesn't really bother me, I mean it will only hurt her in the long run. Fortunately for my blood thirsty classmates- the word is that our professor overheard in the hallway several conversations about Solitaire lying. If our professor knows about her lying I am sure that the fireworks will fly next class even brighter and hotter than they would have otherwise, so all of our ill-wishes will be fulfilled. Remind me to post here again with the results of that.

Never The Hero

About 4 months ago a friend of mine introduced me to a phrase that now haunts me everywhere I go. after listening to several of my stories from jobs past in which I was victimized by my bosses my friend JLethal asked me "do you have any stories where you are the hero?" For a moment I was taken aback. I didn't know for sure. I thought about it for a while and then I told him about how once, while working as a summer camp councilor I helped a 14 year old girl beat anorexia, I felt pretty good about that. This anecdote apparently didn't satisfy him, "that makes you the villain" he told me. When I asked why he said "because anorexia makes girls hot... all you did was rob the world of a hot girl." I know what you are probably thinking and yes, JLethal is a bad human being. But he has redeeming qualities, trust me. 

Since that day this phrase has haunted me where ever I go. For some reason bad things tend to happen to me that wouldn't happen to anyone else. If you read the Shuttle Shuffle post you know what I am talking about. Today provided another example of me not being the hero.  At 3 PM today my section was supposed to take our criminal law midterm. The test had already been delayed by 4 days due to a snowstorm so my class was understandably eager to get it over with. I was taking the exam down in the computer lab and for some reason my computer would not restart the way it was supposed to. I sat there for 15 minutes waiting for it to come on, but to no avail. The head of IT had to be called down to try and help me set it up. My fellow students looked at my with frustration because I was the one thing keeping them from starting (and more importantly finishing) their exam. 

This computer malfunction was not my fault, but that didn't stop JLethal, who was sitting across from me from laughing maniacally. "This would only happen to you" he said. As I bowed my head in humiliation and frustration he said "I didn't even know what the phrase 'never the hero' meant until I met you"

I didn't know what that phrase meant before I met him either. And I am a worse person for having it in my life. Now anytime I screw up anything for any reason all i can ever think of is "Never the Hero."

An update on school B

I realize there has been a rash of mock trial posts all at once... this one will be short. The school I coach moved by beating my most hated high school rival in the regional final trial tonight. Now they compete at the state finals next tuesday. This means I will have to make some time to work with them in the middle of this very busy week. Although I am not sure I have the time I am excited they did so well and am more than willing to give my time to try and help them win. 

The feeling of things moving on without you...

This weekend my old undergrad mock trial team competed in their regional qualifying tournament. While I was studying here in Minneapolis I was getting a steady stream of updates from my old teammate Kostandinos. Although I am happy I moved home and very happy I am gone with college I couldn't help but feel a little bit of pain that I wasn't out competing with them. 

During my undergrad tenure my coaches always stressed that we needed to continue in the mock trial tradition. Before regionals every year the entire program would meet up in a room and our coach would write on a chalk board every year our college had won the regional championship. Every year from 1995 to 2007 (except 1998, known in our program as "the dark year" was written up there when we met before regionals my senior year. I looked at the last three years on the list and felt a pride swell up knowing that I had contributed to our most recent regional championships. 

For a few years, I was the face of my mock trial program. I was known at tournaments around the country and when people asked which of my programs several teams they would face they often asked if they were facing "TheHambogler's team." Aside from the social problems this caused by stepping on the ego's of the rest of my teammates this felt great. I could feel very proud of being nationally known and respected for something. Although I knew these feelings were fleeting I didn't know how quickly they would come to an end. 

There is a reason that people like Brett Farve and Jerry Rice never want to get out of the game (not to say Mock trial is anywhere near what football is, or that I meant as much to mock trial as those guys did to their sport). Stars don't want to feel forgotten. It is also very hard to imagine your team moving on without you. Thinking about your teammates rejoicing from a win that you had nothing to do with, when for the longest time you were such an integral part of the teams success is surreal to say the least. These were my thoughts this weekend while receiving texts from Kostandinos.

Although I was sad that I could not perform with my team this year I do like to think I am still part of their victory. I had a lot to do with coaching the core of what my old team is now and I am told I am pretty well remembered. I think the part I am most upset about is that I will never get to see the people I helped to coach at their peek. The team is better now that it ever was while I was a participant and I wish I could be a part of that. So while I am so proud of those kids and I send out my congratulations, it is with a little bit of sadness.