About 4 months ago a friend of mine introduced me to a phrase that now haunts me everywhere I go. after listening to several of my stories from jobs past in which I was victimized by my bosses my friend JLethal asked me "do you have any stories where you are the hero?" For a moment I was taken aback. I didn't know for sure. I thought about it for a while and then I told him about how once, while working as a summer camp councilor I helped a 14 year old girl beat anorexia, I felt pretty good about that. This anecdote apparently didn't satisfy him, "that makes you the villain" he told me. When I asked why he said "because anorexia makes girls hot... all you did was rob the world of a hot girl." I know what you are probably thinking and yes, JLethal is a bad human being. But he has redeeming qualities, trust me.
Since that day this phrase has haunted me where ever I go. For some reason bad things tend to happen to me that wouldn't happen to anyone else. If you read the Shuttle Shuffle post you know what I am talking about. Today provided another example of me not being the hero. At 3 PM today my section was supposed to take our criminal law midterm. The test had already been delayed by 4 days due to a snowstorm so my class was understandably eager to get it over with. I was taking the exam down in the computer lab and for some reason my computer would not restart the way it was supposed to. I sat there for 15 minutes waiting for it to come on, but to no avail. The head of IT had to be called down to try and help me set it up. My fellow students looked at my with frustration because I was the one thing keeping them from starting (and more importantly finishing) their exam.
This computer malfunction was not my fault, but that didn't stop JLethal, who was sitting across from me from laughing maniacally. "This would only happen to you" he said. As I bowed my head in humiliation and frustration he said "I didn't even know what the phrase 'never the hero' meant until I met you"
I didn't know what that phrase meant before I met him either. And I am a worse person for having it in my life. Now anytime I screw up anything for any reason all i can ever think of is "Never the Hero."
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