I pride myself on my story telling. I have worked a lot on my speaking and whatnot (through mock trial) and I lead an eventful life. JLethal sometimes tells me I am the most ridiculous person he has ever met. This stems mostly from a lot of the stories I have told. In most cases I would be willing to bet that in a competition with someone to determine who has the best story I would beat them down like Mike Tyson in the early 90's.
Then about 3 weeks ago I was bested. Not only did I hear a story better than any I could come up with, but this story made me not even want to try. I didn't know how to react, so I have adopted this story into my arsenal. Now this is one of my best stories.
So this girl (we'll call her "Jamie") was house sitting for a family in Chicago where she lived. She had been house sitting for the same family for a long time so they were fairly comfortable with her. For years this girl had faithfully watered the family's plants and fed their dog. Well, she fed their dog every day until this time when the dog didn't wake up in the morning. The family dog died while the family was on vacation. Jaime was mortified and called the family nearly in tears, but the family explained that it was OK. It was a very old dog and the family had expected this for a while so while it was disappointing it happened while they were out of town, the family wasn't mad at Jaime.
However, because they were out of town for the next week, they explained that Jaime would have to take poor Rover to the vet to be cremated. The big problem with this arose because Jaime didn't have a car. She had ridden the subway to this house to take care of it everyday and now it appeared that she had to use the subway to dispose of the dog. She also didn't really have a container for the dog. This meant that this 110 lbs. girl would have to carry a 90lbs dog on the Chicago subway station crammed into a duffel bag.
When she got to subway station she was struggling to carry the bag. As she went through a turn style she found it nearly impossible to get through. To her relief, a nice guy came up and offered to help her carry the bag to her train. "Wow this is awful heavy" he said "what do you got in there?" Too embarrassed to admit that she was delivering a dead dog to the vet in a duffel bag Jaime told the guy "ummm.... electronics."
They got onto the train and talked some more. The guy started flirting a bit with Jaime and she flirted back but the whole time tried to avoid the subject of her bag. She was keeping the secret well and I guess the dead dog didn't smell enough yet to let on the contents of the bag. After talking a bit longer Jaime found out that this nice guy was actually getting off at the same stop as her. This was great because it meant that he could help her carry the dead-dog-duffel out of the station too. As they got to the top of the stairs to get out of the subway station Jaime heard something and looked back into the station. When she returned her attention to the nice guy she was met with a surprise.
The guy punched her in the face, took her bag full of "electronics" and ran.
This story is completely ridiculous and there was no way I could beat it. The best part of the story is thinking about this dude's reaction when he opens the bag to survey his treasure and he finds a dead dog. Also something I didn't ask about (although I wish I had) was what the family's reaction was? I mean did they believe this girl? Was her black eye enough to settle any doubts they had. So many unanswered questions...
regardless of whether I know the answers to these questions I am going to add this story to my repertoire whether Jaime likes it or not.
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