I was suckered into playing in this tournament by the leader of my school racquetball league. He told me that these competitions are always fun, are a good way to meet people and play a lot. I have always felt like racquetball is one of those "boardroom" type games. A game that a starting low level employee can use to build a relationship with a senior executive. This being the case I bit the bullet and invested the $45 entry fee in hopes that I would increase my skills enough to impress even the most skilled hiring partner.
Although I paid the entry fee I wasn't happy about it. At this point in my life $45 is a lot of money. I was just going to have to make sure that I got my moneys worth. Overall I think I cam out even, but that is debatable. Throughout this post I will keep a running tally of the experiences at the tournament that made this weekend worth either more or less to try and determine whether the $45 was well spent.
Friday
6:15 PM- My first round is scheduled at 7:30 out in Fridley. Being that I HATE being late for anything I make sure that I have enough time to get where I am supposed to be with enough time to adjust in case I get lost. Also I have to pick up a couple of 18 year old college freshman to give them a ride (one is my doubles partner). Neither of them chip in for gas during the entire weekend. Current tournament value: -$7.23
6:55 PM- I walk into the Fridley LifeTime Fitness. This place is like a small city. There are an amazing amounts of exercise machines and they are pretty full even at this time on a Friday night. The place is so cool I get the feeling that I am a champion just for being allowed to step foot in such a new age sports facility. Current tournament value: $10.
7:05 PM- I look at the draw for my first round. I am very excited for this because I have been playing pretty much the same 8 or 9 players for the last 6 months. I see that my draw is against the leader of the St. Thomas racquetball league, a person I play twice a week. Current tournament value: $8
7:10 PM- I sign into the tournament and as I sign in they give me a new canister of balls and a couple of sweat bands for my wrist. I wasn't expecting any merchandise. Current tournament value $20
7:45 PM- my opponent arrives at the court for 7:30 match. I know him and he is very good. He is actually sponsored by Eklecton so he has a lot of experience and much nicer equipment than me. My only hope lies in the fact that he is only playing his first tournament back from a 6 month hiatus. Apparently he had injured his right wrist and so he had been playing left for a few months. This proves to not be an issue as he beats me 15-7, 15-9. Although I was beaten I still had a lot of fun. Current tournament value $25
8:30 PM- My doubles partner, MoWilly and I are just waiting around the courts looking at good players. For the first time I take a good long look at the rest of the competitors. Overall racquetball players are not a good looking bunch. There is a guy who has huge curly hair and a face that is very rounded like a clowns, a couple people with extremely lazy eyes (the kind of lazy that would decide to sit home and play Xbox instead of going out to play paintball on dune buggies) and an angry looking guy with a huge king tut goatee. I decide that I am one of the most attractive guys there and it does wonders for my confidence. Current tournament value: $35.
8:45 MoWilly and I find an open court and decide to just play for fun. Although I play MoWilly often I always enjoy chances to dash his hopes of beating me. This day his beating comes quickly. Current tournament value: $40
10:30 we leave Fridley in the middle of an ice storm. I am pissed I agreed to drive. Also my next round is tomorrow morning at 9AM, and I did not sleep well the night before. Current tournament value: $30
Saturday
7:15 AM- why the shit did I agree to be in a tournament that wouldn't let me sleep in? I am tired and groggy, I take a naked juice out of the fridge and then go to pick up MoWilly. Current tournament value: $25
8:30 AM we get to Lifetime Fitness and it is somewhat surreal. There parking lot is still packed. We walk in and want to warm up but our opponents are already there so we get no time. We play pretty well but still get beaten. I live my life in the consolation bracket. Current tournament value: $20.
9:15 AM- there is little spread of food out for players to eat. I decide I am gonna get my moneys worth. I take two plain bagels and half a chocolate muffin over the course of the morning. I also take a healthy amount of trail mix and Gatorade. If I am gonna lose every match I will at least take all the food I want. Current tournament value: $27.50
9:45 AM- MoWilly and I don't play again until noon. We decide we are going to take advantage of every perk the lifetime fitness has to offer. We go down to the locker room and it is very nice. Granite benches and mahogany cabinets line the walls. I feel very classy. Current tournament value: $35.
9:47 AM- we get into the steam room. I have never been in a steam room before but it is strange. I can't see more than 2 feet in front of me so I am walking with my hands out. I take a deep breath in and it tastes like Halls cough drops. Also it hurts to keep my eyes open. Carrying on a conversation with MoWilly feels awful on my throat. I decide I hate steam rooms. Current tournament value $30
9:58 AM- We get into the sauna instead. Men are sitting on the benches with only towels wrapped around themselves and some are actually doing push-ups or sit-ups. I find this strange. Also they are talking about the economy. I feel like all of a sudden I am plugged into the secret brotherhood of corporate America. The Sauna is where all the business happens. Men are talking about sports stadiums, the stimulus package and tax revenues. I feel like just for being in here I will be promoted to junior project manager, even though I don't have a job in the first place. Current tournament value: $38
10:15 AM- MoWilly and I get into the jacuzzi. There is not a communal jacuzzi rather there is a male jacuzzi in the male locker room and a female jacuzzi in the female locker room. Everyone is walking around the locker room completely naked, dongs hanging to and fro. regardless of age or body type the men in the locker room were naked. This makes MoWilly and I a little nervous about the sanity of the jacuzzi. We feel a bit better when we see that there are pretty specific rules that state that in order to get into the whirlpool one must be wearing proper swim attire. MoWilly and I sit in the hot tub feeling OK until we see an old man, to whom the rule apparently does not apply walk down the steps and into the water completely in the buff. We were weirded out. Current tournament value: $30
11 AM- We go upstairs and watch some racquetball. Apparently one of the elite players in the state has a following amongst 14 year old girls that wear too much make-up. There are a couple of girls with obvious self esteem issues there to cheer him on. This dude looks like a complete tool and his cheering section does nothing for him. I mercilessly make fun of him in my mind. If i made fun of him out loud he might challenge me to racquetball and destroy me. But I slyly smile to myself. He is a fool. Current tournament value: $35.
11:30 AM- apparently when you hit around 30 years of age the only thing you have to live for is Saturday basketball league at the Lifetime Fitness in Fridley. We were watching from above as several grown men almost came to blows over a 10 minute basketball game. Our favorite guy to watch was wearing an overweight 35 year old balding man wearing a shirt that had "Rebs" written on it. Rebs didn't touch the ball the entire game but down by 2 with only 35 seconds left in the game he started going berserk on everyone, even his own team. We were cracking up watching this guy. Eventually his team lost because the other team held on to the ball for the last 20 seconds. This drove Rebs really crazy. Even after he lost he kept walking around the gym for a solid 20 minutes yelling at everyone about how his team had been wronged. We really hoped he got into a fight and he came close several times, but unfortunately our dream never came to fruition. Current Tournament value $45.
12 PM- I have another round against an older guy. I play alright but I ultimately lose. I hate losing. Current tournament value: $40
12:45 PM- apparently this tournament comes with a free lunch as well. we get a nice turkey sandwich and Sunchips. I have not had Sunchips since I was like 17. They are awesome. New love discovered. Current tournament value: $50
2 PM- I play my second doubles match. MoWilly and I are up against a European sounding lady and an old dude that looks like he has lived hard. Rumor has it that he often goes to racquetball tournaments and plays wearing chicken costumes or wedding dresses. For a moment I see my future. He walks over and pretends to sneeze putting a large fake snot strand from his nose while leaning over us. I decide I do not want to be this guy, but he is funny. Current tournament value: $60.
2:40 PM- MoWilly and I get stomped by the woman and the guy who lives hard. I end my tournament without winning. Current Tournament value: $55
4 PM- I had to wait around while MoWilly and his other partner have their last match. I am so tired and sore. After they finish their match I decide to go down to the locker room again and have a nice little hot tub soak. This time there are about 15 people in the jacuzzi and MoWilly and I realize we are the exception because we followed the swimsuit rule. At one point an employee comes to the hot tub to yell at 1 person for being naked but does not reprimand the 10 other naked people. At my feet I feel something which is both firm and has the feeling of gelatin. I get really grossed out and I decide that under no circumstances should I look to see what the object at my feet is. Current tournament value: $35
6 PM- I get home and am dead tired. I can't go out to a party with friends because I need to sleep. I consider this a value deterioration. Then I realize that I just spent 2 whole days playing racquetball. I did a lot of exercise instead of spending 2 nights drinking beer and eating candy. I am proud of this weekend that evidences a healthier kind of life style. Overall tournament value: $45
So yeah... I think I got my money's worth. But We will see if I register for any more tournaments in the future. If I do I need to get better. I am damn sure not walking out of another weekend like this without winning.
No comments:
Post a Comment